Truth

I would class myself as someone who loves truth and actively seeks it out. I hate it when people lie to me, and I try hard to not lie myself either actively or inadvertently. I dislike being fooled, and I don't like wading through grey areas. That being said, I have realized in the last few months that there is one person whose lies I will more often than not swallow, tolerate, and act on.

Yeah. Satan. The Father of Lies himself. What am I thinking? Maybe that’s the problem…I’m spend too much of my life not thinking and just reacting.

As I got ready for my singing assembly this week, I thought I’d pick songs that had to do with love seeing as how Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. I had started this blog post, but wasn’t really sure where I was going with it. Then, as I scrolled through my power points of songs, these words leapt off the screen at me:

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine –
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

Instead of Satan’s lies, this is the truth I want to live in. That Christ is the reason that I can have the courage to face another day. I can absolutely trust my Rock to hold no matter what the storm. Christ is my all in all, not chocolate, not chips, and not another person. He died, was buried, and rose again so that I would never have to be in bondage to sin for another second. I was bought at a terrible price, and this life is too short to waste it turning to lies and empty comfort instead of my Savior.

The new truth for me is that I can be thankful for this less than perfect body of mine. God knows that as a self-sufficient “I can fix it” sort of gal, I needed something that would drive me to Him. Something that would make my soul cry out for His. Something that would help me to remember to crave Him and His fullness—because He has nothing better to give me than Himself. As I continue on this journey, my mind is being renewed to remember that I can only be truly satisfied with Him—the one who paid for my soul with His own blood so that I would never have to go hungry again.

Finishing Up and Hall Pictures

Whew—it’s been a busy week! Our half-term holiday from school is Monday and Tuesday of next week, and I’m trying to get to a good stopping place in all my classes. Because this is a boarding school, the majority of the kids are here, and we have special traditions and activities for them. While the break from classes is nice, I often am quite busy marking and catching up over half-term. I can't believe we're halfway through the term already!

I realized the other day that I never posted pictures of the finished hall, so here are a few!

Here is the new front of the hall complete with a higher and wider stage, and all the stuff from the attic that we don't have anywhere else to put at the moment. There is projector mounted on the ceiling that makes it a lot easier to do assemblies, and the lighting is much nicer.

From the front of the hall, here is the view down to the back where our new storage rooms are. I love the garage doors and how much nicer it looks back there with no chair racks and ping-pong table cluttering things up!

Here is the music side--still some things to get rid of and organize, but after 4 hours of sorting and cleaning, SO MUCH more usable that it ever has been before!

Here are some new containers that will be part of our new storage complex by my house. Now we just need to get some more cement up here...

Here is a picture from the Main Sitting Room that shows why we are renovating and fixing the foundation--several cracks like this one just can't be fixed.

That's what's going on at Sakeji right now--have a blessed week!

Peace

When I look back on my eating, dieting, and denial over the last few years, one of the last words that I would use to describe that process would be peace. I tried to take fierce control of this rebellious body of mine by raw willpower, got some results, but was so shattered by the experience that I collapsed into doing nothing and called it “peace.” I shoved my issues under a blanket of excuses and called it peace. I decided I didn’t care anymore and called that “peace.” However, the truth was always there. I was NOT at peace. I didn’t like myself, hated that I felt so powerless in this struggle, and told myself that this was just a cross I was chosen to bear. Yeah, right!

Last summer when I first read Made to Crave and started to have some breakthroughs, I realized some things. First of all, what I was doing was not honoring to God, and it sure wasn’t giving me peace with my body! Secondly, that one of the most miserable points in my life was when I was the smallest I had ever been, so just loosing weight couldn't be the goal here. Thirdly, that I had fallen hook, line, and sinker for the lie that God’s ways (especially in regards to food) were restrictive and unpleasant. That if I followed Him in this, I would regret it.

Imagine my surprise when I began to take those first baby steps of obedience, and found out that my life did not spiral down into a pool of misery. Imagine how shocked I was to realize that obedience tastes far sweeter than that candy I was thinking of scarfing just because it was there and I was bored. That giving up some earthly things had lead me to fill my spiritual hunger. That while I still wasn’t happy with the outside of my body, I was learning that the numbers on the scale could never define the important things—my obedience to and reliance on the Lord.

So, am I never tempted anymore? Goodness no! Chocolate is still a lovely treat, and some days I find myself ready to gnaw on the cupboards just to take the edge off things. Old habits are hard to break—goodness knows I spent enough years forming them! However, now I have something so much better than my own will power and regret to drive me. I have the taste of peace in my mouth, and it is not something that I’m willing to do without. Excelsior!

Week 4--a death, and continued construction

This week was a little odd because Paul Fisher, a descendant of the founder of our school, passed away on Monday morning, and the funeral was held on Thursday. Paul was not just an important part of the missionary community, but he was also a Lunda chief, so his funeral was an even bigger deal than funerals usually are in this culture. Beth and I took the whole school down to the river at 10 so that other members of staff could attend the funeral, and then the usual afternoon classes and activities followed. I had fun playing with some grade 2 students, but I’m sore today! I don’t even want to think how many years it has been since I last played dodge ball…

Here are a few more pictures of the renovations of the main sitting room. First, coming from the boys wing, here is the new pillar that will help support a beam which will allow the old white wall to be taken out. I think…plans keep changing!

This picture is coming from the girl’s wing; the new brick wall on the right is the new closet which is being built around where the stair to the attic is, and the other side of the new pillar. The old guest room just out of sight to the left is full of debris as they have taken out the ceiling and are working on getting the one wall ready to be removed. Again, I think!

Lastly, here is the outside where they are extending the front of the building by a few feet, and working on a new façade so the whole main sitting room area will look nicer. There are some very obvious repairs to the brickwork on the front.

I’m on this weekend, so I’ll be supervising letter writing, taking the kids down to the river, and teaching junior (grades 1-4) Sunday school. Luckily there will be some time to rest in there, as I’ve had a busy week. I can’t believer we’re 4 weeks into the term already!

I just remembered a funny kid story that I meant to share! A few weeks ago I was coming down the hallway of upper school with an armful of handwork stuff, and as usual, the girls were crowding around the library entrance. I told them, "I'm glad you think I'm so skinny, but I can't fit through that gap." One little girl pipped up, "But Miss B-, you ARE skinny." Immediately the other girls all went, "EEEEeeee." Which is a Zambian expression which means basically, "I can't believe you just said that/you liar/Nuh-uh!" Good thing I have no delusions on that score! Gotta love kids and their honesty...

Parting shot: The sunset was AMAZING last night!

Determination

As I was getting ready for my singing assembly with the children this week, I found this song again, and was struck by how well it went with what I’m trying to do with getting my heart and eating more solidly under the Lord’s control.

Be bold, be strong, for the Lord your God is with you,
Be bold, be strong, for the Lord your God is with you,
I am not afraid, I am not dismayed,
For I’m walking in faith and victory:
Come on and walk in faith and victory,
For the Lord your God is with you.

I have determined in my heart that good habits must continue, and that bad ones must be changed. I continue to learn to predetermine what my food choices for the day will look like before I walk into the situation, and am determined to remember my identity in Christ. I am a blood-bought, radically loved, work in progress. The Master is slowly chipping the hard edges of my character away so that I look more like Him, and in the process teaching more about Himself and the abundant, wonderful life He wants me to have. A life where He is my all in all, and where I walk confidently for the Lord my God is with and for me.

So, through this week and its temptations, I’ve been singing this song to myself as a reminder of what I have in Christ, and who I am. With the Lord’s power at work in me, excelsior!

Construction of more than one kind...

As there are some big changes taking place around station, I thought I’d take some pictures of them while I was thinking about it. Down by my house will become a new container depot, so they are working on building a slab. There will eventually be a roof over them as well, but right now there are just some stones and a bit of cement to show where the slab will be. I was sorry about the trees that had to be cut down, but it will be nice to have things more accessible.

Yesterday was the day when the guys emptied out the attic of the main sitting room and moved it onto the stage in the hall so that they can get to work on the ceilings. The attic is a scary place full of guano, dirt, and the ‘wealth of ages.’ The floor was made of these thin boards that flexed distressingly as you walked over them, and I often felt like I was about to go shooting through the main sitting room ceiling. It was also stuffy and hot up there, so digging for supplies for crafts was not a favorite activity! Now the front of the hall is piled with musty stuff that will need to be sorted. I’m just glad it wasn’t me up that ladder…

This week we had our second Latin lesson, and we all had a blast! I’m so tickled that the kids are enjoying this—I think its going to benefit them on so many levels. We’re also really enjoying our literature novel, Holes. We have a bunch of yellow-spotted lizards on our board right now—I’m glad they aren’t real!

A specific prayer request for me in these next few weeks is for wisdom in how to 'build' my grade 6's into the kind of students that they need to be. I realize that it's the beginning of the year and that I'll probably be amazed in December at how far they have come, but right now it's a little discouraging to see how little work they are able to handle. I need to figure out how to push them without overwhelming them...so I'm definitely going to the Lord for wisdom on this one!

I’m off this weekend, so I’m looking forward to getting some rest and doing some planning. It’s amazing how your body gets into routines and schedules… At the end of two weeks I’m always exhausted! Naps are a good thing...

Empowered

Feeling empowered about my food choices and my ability to walk in obedience to the Lord is a relatively new thing for me. Works like defeat, misery, shame, and failure have been much more the story of my life. At one point I was even telling myself that it was okay that I was not taking care of my body—I was too busy serving God to worry about that. Give me a break, I’m a missionary living in AFRICA. Sounds very holy, right? Boy was I wrong!

Since realizing that my food issues were of great concern to God, and that it wasn’t just the strain I was putting on my body, but also an outward sign of an inward problem, I am being freed from those old ugly words. Bringing this area of my life under the rule of Christ has been so liberating—not the burden that I always assumed it would be. While I sometimes have to make conscious choices, creating a routine of exercise and predetermining some things about my eating habits have made a world of different.

Through Him I am empowered to say no to baked goods that aren’t really that high on my pleasure list, and I no longer living with the guilt of my excuses and binges. Submitting my food choices to God has brought so much freedom—if only I could have learned this when I was a teenager and first starting to struggle with food! His strength in me makes it possible to reduce my portions, make better choices, and to actually look forward to (most of!) my exercise times. This body is a temple of the Lord, and I want it to have the ability to serve Him full out! Not that I have arrived at where I need to be physically or spiritually, but I am committed to making 'imperfect progress' for the rest of my life.

“Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me…for when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9b, 10b