Courageous

I can’t believe it’s been six weeks already—how time flies! Lots of things have happened; God has been chiseling at some hard placed in my heart, and I’ve continued this journey of seeking holiness and surrender in all areas of my life. I’ve had some victories, I’ve made some mistakes, and I’ve felt God working in me. I was interested by the choice of our final word, but as I thought about it, it totally makes sense.

It’s interesting to me that obedience to the Lord so often called for a measure of courage and faith. There are some things that we are asked to do that are, quite honestly, a little wild by this world’s standards. Also interesting to me, is that when you do take a deep breath, make the leap (or step!) of faith, you never crash and burn in spectacular failure. Yes, it might not go perfectly as you imagined it, but God blesses our slightest efforts towards obedience, and really, we have nothing to lose when we obey, but oh so much to gain. So why does it still take so much courage to step out in obedience to the Lord?

Speaking from my own personal experience, it takes a big measure of courage to admit that you have a food issue, and a big part of that issue is sin. It takes courage to decide that you aren’t going to live like that anymore. It takes courage to make the necessary changes to your eating and routine, and it takes courage to keep choosing self-denial over self-gratification—especially when you are surrounded by people who either don’t understand this journey you are on or will never need to go on a similar one.

Living in victory and obedience is a constant exercise in courage—being brave enough to make the changes to our routines and hearts that will result in better health and closeness to God. May I not forget what I have learned, and keep praising the Lord always for this body that He has given me that is a constant reminder to me that I need to fill myself with Him and His goodness, not the temporary pleasures of sugar and carbs.

“Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid...for the Lord you God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6

Benificial

I started teaching history to my middle school students yesterday, and as we started with creation we discussed what being made in God’s image means. Odd how things in my life keep underscoring what God is trying to teach me through this study… The thing that always blows my mind when I think about being in God’s image is the fact that I have free will—the ability to choose whatever I want in my life. God often allows the consequences of my actions to fall on me so I can learn, but He won’t ‘hover’ over me and send a divine e-mail or light up the skies when I’m about to do something that is not in my best interest.

Isn’t it ironic that while we all clamor about making our OWN choices and running our OWN lives thank-you-very-much, we tend to choose what is not best for us? Left to my own devices, my choices usually add up to a very little good and a lot of pain. I need to start evaluating my choices a bit better and not just asking, “What do I want to do?” but “Is what I want to do beneficial to me?”

Who hasn’t tried to drown their sorrows in chocolate or chips? Who hasn’t tried to cheer themselves up with Facebook time, a book, or huddling in front of the TV? Goodness—I even use knitting time to cope with stress! While these things are not evil in and of themselves, are they really benefiting me when I turn to them instead of God? I still tend to reach for my knitting when I want to come unglued, but I’m learning to take those quiet moments of forming the stitches to pray for the situation and my raging feelings instead of stewing over it. When I hear the cupboards screaming my name I’m learning to stop and ask myself, “Why? Why do I have this urge to eat?” Pretty crazy, isn’t it, to think that we can fix a broken and hungry heart with food for the stomach!

Imperfect progress, learning to make the choices that are beneficial instead of what I think I want. Lord, help me to desire Your ways above my own, and help me to rest in the assurance that Your ways are best. May I learn to use my free will for Your glory and to become the person You want me to be.

Truth

I would class myself as someone who loves truth and actively seeks it out. I hate it when people lie to me, and I try hard to not lie myself either actively or inadvertently. I dislike being fooled, and I don't like wading through grey areas. That being said, I have realized in the last few months that there is one person whose lies I will more often than not swallow, tolerate, and act on.

Yeah. Satan. The Father of Lies himself. What am I thinking? Maybe that’s the problem…I’m spend too much of my life not thinking and just reacting.

As I got ready for my singing assembly this week, I thought I’d pick songs that had to do with love seeing as how Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. I had started this blog post, but wasn’t really sure where I was going with it. Then, as I scrolled through my power points of songs, these words leapt off the screen at me:

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine –
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

Instead of Satan’s lies, this is the truth I want to live in. That Christ is the reason that I can have the courage to face another day. I can absolutely trust my Rock to hold no matter what the storm. Christ is my all in all, not chocolate, not chips, and not another person. He died, was buried, and rose again so that I would never have to be in bondage to sin for another second. I was bought at a terrible price, and this life is too short to waste it turning to lies and empty comfort instead of my Savior.

The new truth for me is that I can be thankful for this less than perfect body of mine. God knows that as a self-sufficient “I can fix it” sort of gal, I needed something that would drive me to Him. Something that would make my soul cry out for His. Something that would help me to remember to crave Him and His fullness—because He has nothing better to give me than Himself. As I continue on this journey, my mind is being renewed to remember that I can only be truly satisfied with Him—the one who paid for my soul with His own blood so that I would never have to go hungry again.

Peace

When I look back on my eating, dieting, and denial over the last few years, one of the last words that I would use to describe that process would be peace. I tried to take fierce control of this rebellious body of mine by raw willpower, got some results, but was so shattered by the experience that I collapsed into doing nothing and called it “peace.” I shoved my issues under a blanket of excuses and called it peace. I decided I didn’t care anymore and called that “peace.” However, the truth was always there. I was NOT at peace. I didn’t like myself, hated that I felt so powerless in this struggle, and told myself that this was just a cross I was chosen to bear. Yeah, right!

Last summer when I first read Made to Crave and started to have some breakthroughs, I realized some things. First of all, what I was doing was not honoring to God, and it sure wasn’t giving me peace with my body! Secondly, that one of the most miserable points in my life was when I was the smallest I had ever been, so just loosing weight couldn't be the goal here. Thirdly, that I had fallen hook, line, and sinker for the lie that God’s ways (especially in regards to food) were restrictive and unpleasant. That if I followed Him in this, I would regret it.

Imagine my surprise when I began to take those first baby steps of obedience, and found out that my life did not spiral down into a pool of misery. Imagine how shocked I was to realize that obedience tastes far sweeter than that candy I was thinking of scarfing just because it was there and I was bored. That giving up some earthly things had lead me to fill my spiritual hunger. That while I still wasn’t happy with the outside of my body, I was learning that the numbers on the scale could never define the important things—my obedience to and reliance on the Lord.

So, am I never tempted anymore? Goodness no! Chocolate is still a lovely treat, and some days I find myself ready to gnaw on the cupboards just to take the edge off things. Old habits are hard to break—goodness knows I spent enough years forming them! However, now I have something so much better than my own will power and regret to drive me. I have the taste of peace in my mouth, and it is not something that I’m willing to do without. Excelsior!

Determination

As I was getting ready for my singing assembly with the children this week, I found this song again, and was struck by how well it went with what I’m trying to do with getting my heart and eating more solidly under the Lord’s control.

Be bold, be strong, for the Lord your God is with you,
Be bold, be strong, for the Lord your God is with you,
I am not afraid, I am not dismayed,
For I’m walking in faith and victory:
Come on and walk in faith and victory,
For the Lord your God is with you.

I have determined in my heart that good habits must continue, and that bad ones must be changed. I continue to learn to predetermine what my food choices for the day will look like before I walk into the situation, and am determined to remember my identity in Christ. I am a blood-bought, radically loved, work in progress. The Master is slowly chipping the hard edges of my character away so that I look more like Him, and in the process teaching more about Himself and the abundant, wonderful life He wants me to have. A life where He is my all in all, and where I walk confidently for the Lord my God is with and for me.

So, through this week and its temptations, I’ve been singing this song to myself as a reminder of what I have in Christ, and who I am. With the Lord’s power at work in me, excelsior!

Empowered

Feeling empowered about my food choices and my ability to walk in obedience to the Lord is a relatively new thing for me. Works like defeat, misery, shame, and failure have been much more the story of my life. At one point I was even telling myself that it was okay that I was not taking care of my body—I was too busy serving God to worry about that. Give me a break, I’m a missionary living in AFRICA. Sounds very holy, right? Boy was I wrong!

Since realizing that my food issues were of great concern to God, and that it wasn’t just the strain I was putting on my body, but also an outward sign of an inward problem, I am being freed from those old ugly words. Bringing this area of my life under the rule of Christ has been so liberating—not the burden that I always assumed it would be. While I sometimes have to make conscious choices, creating a routine of exercise and predetermining some things about my eating habits have made a world of different.

Through Him I am empowered to say no to baked goods that aren’t really that high on my pleasure list, and I no longer living with the guilt of my excuses and binges. Submitting my food choices to God has brought so much freedom—if only I could have learned this when I was a teenager and first starting to struggle with food! His strength in me makes it possible to reduce my portions, make better choices, and to actually look forward to (most of!) my exercise times. This body is a temple of the Lord, and I want it to have the ability to serve Him full out! Not that I have arrived at where I need to be physically or spiritually, but I am committed to making 'imperfect progress' for the rest of my life.

“Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me…for when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9b, 10b

A Favorite Scripture

This is practice for the blog hop of the Made to Crave Bible on-line bible study; I'm so excited to go through the book again and to get another boost in my journey towards obedience to the Lord in ALL things...especially my eating! It's amazing to me how quickly I forget what the Lord has done for me, and how often I have to be reminded of His goodness and promises.

It's really hard for me to nail down what my favorite scripture is. Depending on the season of my life that I'm going through I might cling to a certain passage more than others, but there are some scriptures that come to mind quite a lot. One of them is 2 Corinthians 12:9-10. "And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, i will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong."

Here at Sakeji I so often feel weak and unable to handle the staggering responsibility that the Lord has given me. In the classroom, facing piles of marking, trying to figure out how to get through to a child, and so many other things often leave me feeling lost or helpless. I miss my family, I miss my home state, and sometimes I just wish I could GO and drive to a coffee shop to get away from the stress of life on a mission station. It's in those moments that I most treasure His promise that His grace is sufficient for me. His grace is big enough to handle any child, any situation, any issue, and any problem I might have. I so often fall for the lie that God somehow isn't enough for me--that He won't come through for me, or that this time I'm not important enough for Him to work it out. Foolish me--I know better!

As I get ready to start this bible study journey of Made to Crave, I'm excited about having a chance to get refreshed and encouraged. God has done some amazing things in my life since this summer when I first read this book, and I'm looking forward to continuing the journey of obedience and victory over the sin that so easily entangles me. His grace is sufficient--not brownies!