Thursday, February 6, 2014

Peace

When I look back on my eating, dieting, and denial over the last few years, one of the last words that I would use to describe that process would be peace. I tried to take fierce control of this rebellious body of mine by raw willpower, got some results, but was so shattered by the experience that I collapsed into doing nothing and called it “peace.” I shoved my issues under a blanket of excuses and called it peace. I decided I didn’t care anymore and called that “peace.” However, the truth was always there. I was NOT at peace. I didn’t like myself, hated that I felt so powerless in this struggle, and told myself that this was just a cross I was chosen to bear. Yeah, right!

Last summer when I first read Made to Crave and started to have some breakthroughs, I realized some things. First of all, what I was doing was not honoring to God, and it sure wasn’t giving me peace with my body! Secondly, that one of the most miserable points in my life was when I was the smallest I had ever been, so just loosing weight couldn't be the goal here. Thirdly, that I had fallen hook, line, and sinker for the lie that God’s ways (especially in regards to food) were restrictive and unpleasant. That if I followed Him in this, I would regret it.

Imagine my surprise when I began to take those first baby steps of obedience, and found out that my life did not spiral down into a pool of misery. Imagine how shocked I was to realize that obedience tastes far sweeter than that candy I was thinking of scarfing just because it was there and I was bored. That giving up some earthly things had lead me to fill my spiritual hunger. That while I still wasn’t happy with the outside of my body, I was learning that the numbers on the scale could never define the important things—my obedience to and reliance on the Lord.

So, am I never tempted anymore? Goodness no! Chocolate is still a lovely treat, and some days I find myself ready to gnaw on the cupboards just to take the edge off things. Old habits are hard to break—goodness knows I spent enough years forming them! However, now I have something so much better than my own will power and regret to drive me. I have the taste of peace in my mouth, and it is not something that I’m willing to do without. Excelsior!

14 comments:

  1. You made me giggle with your "gnaw on the cupboards" thought! Been there - am there right now, as a matter of fact! But He is strengthening me because I am nothing in my own strength. God bless you!

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  2. Obedience certainly does taste heavenly doesn't it. I had one of those nights last night where I felt I could gnaw on the cupboards but I CHOSE not to do that & oh the peace I have felt. Nothing quite like the taste of peace in my mouth!

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  3. This study has blessed me as well. I used to get on the scales and let satan tell me what a failure I was, but not any more. As you can see he is so insignificant to me that I won't even capitalize his name. I have so much peace knowing the Lord is in control of every area of my life. Do I slip up/ Sure I am human. I just take it day by day and give myself up to him daily. After all it is by his strength not my own that I experience any type of success in anything. Have a blessed day!

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  4. I can so relate to the "gnaw on the cupboards" thought... Been there many times. Thank you for sharing this inspiring post.
    ~~Cindy - Made to Crave Group 30

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  5. I too can relate to your "gnaw on the cupboard" comment. I have been on the weight loss rollercoaster now for almost half my life. I needed to let God be in the control so I could have the peace I crave.

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  6. Oh my! As started reading today's blog I thought "get out of my head!". I have so been there, done that, have the double X T-shirt, too. I am loving this OBS and have started taking the baby steps toward obedience. Thanks for sharing your story.

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  7. "Gnaw on the cupboards" is priceless! :)

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  8. This is the 2nd blog I've read of yours.. it's so neat how God draws me to the same people! I want to save you to my favorites! (Also, need to see if you blog about other things, am interested in your Mission field, etc.)
    In this blog what stood out and I heard myself say, ouch and I'm ready to burst into tears is.. " I collapsed into doing nothing and called it “peace.” I shoved my issues under a blanket of excuses and called it peace. I decided I didn’t care anymore and called that “peace.” I did that for years and even became a shut-in for two.. the time I wasted is in the past, but I still think there is a need to look at that a little closer and see if there are any area's where I'm doing that... Frankly, I've been learning to obey God again.. marriage under minded the Holy Spirit in my life, but that too is growing and changing. :) Hope I've not shared too much but I wanted you to know that you've touched me in a deeper place ..Way.

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    1. I'm so glad that the Lord has been working in your life and helping you find your peace as He is helping me with mine! I don't mind your sharing at all; it has been a bit scary for me to be so honest about my life and struggles here, but I've been overwhelmed by the realization that I am NOT ALONE--that other women have the same struggles as I do, and that there is NO ONE who is outside the reach of God's redeeming grace. May God bless you richly as you continue on this journey with Him, and may we both always grow upwards and more into the image of His Son!

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  9. Thank you this is a blessing to me . I appreciate your humor and gift if writing .

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  10. I LOVED THIS POST!!! Thanks for visiting my own blog because that's how I found yours!! God uses your words powerfully. This hit me especially hard:

    "...giving up some earthly things had lead me to fill my spiritual hunger. That while I still wasn’t happy with the outside of my body, I was learning that the numbers on the scale could never define the important things—my obedience to and reliance on the Lord".

    Amen!! I WANT THAT TOO!!! God bless ~ Miriam (of http://cravingsconfidential.blogspot.com)

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    1. P.S. I agree with redeemed7777 as well. I've read your other posts and enjoyed them all!! Keep it up!

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    2. Thanks for your comment! It is so wonderful to be able to connect with like-minded ladies; some much of my life I have felt so alone in this, but joining this community on a journey towards peace has been such a blessing!

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  11. Chocolate is a good thing and I try to make sure I get some regularly (but only dark, dark chocolate and only an ounce). Love your heart and your honesty. I pray God continues to bless your journey towards peace and you reach your health goals through His strength. Blessings to you!

    Cindy
    http://www.welltrainedmama.com

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